Left alone??...

felt like talking about the relationship i have with others...how do feel wen u see ur frens not being close with u animore..not talking to u, well once in awhile or maybe not at all...i miss all of them...i wonder why my boys are showing me so much attitude nowadays...well nt so much of an atitude but more like a 'not interested'. my angel, she jus has to always give excuses tt shes going out with others we she knws me for 4yrs...i like so sad...wenever i called her for a movie, she'd jus say shes planned to go for the movie with someone else..n afta tt tellin me the story...shalinee wen missing, i wonder why she did, but i know shes still active in her own ways though she said she had exams, but well i miss her alot, ALOT cause she was the 1st to knw hw passionate i was in love...n if nt for me, i think she wuldn't hav continued skooling, instead moving overseas...one caring frend she was... den my god sis dhurga..she really 4gt me!!! the clique she is with are my old buddies but i guess they themseleves dun tell me anything abt her....but she found her love alreadi n im sure tt was a big reason for her disappearance...she culd even tell her mom tt i didn't msg or call her wen i did but she didn't reply...isn't tt right akka??? my brother navan...oh my gosh!! u've been missing alot lately...boy he was the most closest of frens with me since secondary school, though i knw him in primary school...i had lunch almost everyday at his place with him on his bed...i slack with him for recess...we sit together for every lesson...in poly we were in the same course for 1 yr den we seperated,however we got back thru dance sport...gosh i loved it alot man...we were the only guys dancing together and veri well like couples...well im the girl and he's the guy and the teacher would always say tt i was more graceful than the other girls....hahaha all bcos he was there to enjoy with me...but ever since yr 2. he disappeared now and then...once inawhile we see in the bus...now, even tt doesn't happen...only in average, twice a month i see him...how awful wuld this be...

im so sad tt these beloved frens are missing in action in my life....plese come back guys!!!

peace?

life goes on as usual,

school, prayers, bubu, friends, my pops n mommykins

but there jus one thing tt i cant seem to find, y cnt i find peace???

wherever i go, i dun feel a peace of mind

at school, stressed about lesson, too cold environment; sometimes i seriously wish they had off the air-con, walking here and there during breaks without an aim, no one to actualy study with..

at home, always seeing the same 3 faces, have to do the house work on my own wen my stupid sis always sits on the computer jus chatting, friendstering and now facebooking too, dad coming home drunk almost every night even though he's aware of his health condition, mom always looking emo;wonder why, and yes the prayers i do at hm; they don't seem to help me gt peace most times...

go out, haha, i cnt even go out, its like im in army, and skool is like im booking out and going home or something...

somehow, i jus wish i culd find that peace...help me

its been some time...long i guess

well it hass been a long time...since i blogged...
many things happened...my ex, HER, my family and friends

start with my ex 1st,
she wants a maintance, she doesn't want me, but shes been going around talking to my friends to try to get me back to her, she used her so-called aunt to threaten my girl to leave me, she tortured me previously by blackmailing over the phone, n yet she msges me that she wants to continue to be a GOOD FRIEND to me...
why is she so fickle-minded??? i don't know..she really spoiled my life, she spoiled my reputation, i lost some of my best friends, my parents nearly abandoned me...why???

now about HER,
i've got alot to say here...
wel for the past few weeks, haven't been speaking to her well, stressed over my ex, and also angry sometimes about the things she says and does, i dunno if she really does love me, she put on her blog that i m onli claiming that i love her, which means shes meaning that i'm acting, isn't it?? everytime she fell sick, i cried to my alter, why is she falling so sick, pls takecare of her...but there she is thinking that im nt caring....yes, sometimes im speaking like i'm not bothered...but no one knows whats hapening to me...sometimes i really dunno y but my mood swings are so bad i jus tend to show it to her in other ways....i wen out once with my godsis without telling her once, its my fault, i shud hav told, but y suspet me,....i dedicated once to my godsis a song on her fb...for that also she suspected...was tt wrng...she wrote on her fb,"he's interested in another girl, seems he is"....why was that so??? if someone did see, wat would they have thought of me?? playboy?? timer?? she went out with her godbro and fren for a movie which she promised me weeks before to go for....end up i never went for it...i seriously had no mood, why promise me in the 1st place? and if she really did love me, why did she not ask her whoever to watch another movie instead?? it shows how much importance and influence they have in her life more than i do... after all i came after them...obviously theres lesser importance.for me....this is not all, i go down for cycling and its wrong if i didn't tell her, well she doesn't tell all the time if she were going down,...but i jus started my cycling regime so it didn't sem so important, but for that she complained...yes, sometimes i am revengeful but i don't test love, last night she did...she said gd nite...and i also replied gd nite, thinking she might be a lil angry with me...so i tot let her msg me properly in the mrng..but wat happened was that she msg me saying that she was checking if i said 'i love u' in my msg to her, n tt she purposely didn't say it...y???y test my love like this???i cried....!!! i cried so much, it was jus the same feeling that my ex gave me wen she said she acted that she was with another guy, when she really was(eventually i found out)...y is it that im at fault, and she takes the blame and im made to feel guilty, or on the other hand, tested if my love was true or not??? am i supposed to like giv my llife to shw my love?? or leave everything just for her??? i seriosuly dunno!!!


nw for my family...
they hurt me, remind me of my past, at the same time encourage me to study welll, support me needs nw and then...why are they also fickle minded??? my sista is neva a gd person tho trust...shes onli 16 and she has 6 ex-bfs....like WTH!! and wen i ask her she jus tells me on my face that im no betta than her for me to advice her...im like so pissed...and i just don't knw wat to do abt all this...

my friends....wel one by one...they have seperated....left are my boys.. of them are away...the rest....i guess they're suporting my ex...i dunno who to trust as a gd frend..to share my hurt..to cry my pain out..
i began this blog as heroes of life, thinking im also a hero...but i guess im jus a woos...haix

wat a fool i was

and i thought i was making a mistake in my life,
my ex had been troubling mr some time back that i was having another girl and she said she was just acting that she had another guy...
and afta so many days i actually discovered that she had been the one having another guy...wat a girl...and she could even call him baby wen he was only with her for 2 weeks acording to her...or maybe more...she had been having all the guy friends to find a guy who could appeace her love satisfaction...i guess i did the wrong thing with the wrong girl...i regret now for watever had happened...even my girl was so much more understanding than my ex...never had i had the trouble to be pushed around by her....welll shes a gd girl who knws hw to behave...but nt myex...i hated the 2nd half of thetime i was with her..i was practically loosing my interest in education because of her...i had to fetch her from skool everyday like some watchman....like wth....and sometimes i had to even go home as late as 9...her mom troubled me if she had gone missing and i had to go look for her...i dunno y she did this to me...but i guess i have escaped all the torment...and here i am now...a new life..much happier...much more controlled and disciplined....yay!!!!
i hate tt fatttyy!!!

x-men, angels and demon

wen for movies on 2 saturdays...so slack...hahah
1st few times i ever had the chance to watch movie premires at late night
and u knw even though it was crowded, it was so quite and cold....felt so peaceful...
haha
x-men...not so bad actually...hahaha
its quite interesting to know that a big reason for the x-men to be formed was because of wolverine or logan...and his wife in the movie was so hot man hahah

as for angels and demons...
i can't say anything..it has everything in it...except love...
and solving this kinda mystery isn't an easy task...
but the murders were really nicely planned..it wonderous how the director had beautifully portrayed the way each father was murdered...the most classis murder was at the church of the angel of fire...the father was tied to chains and hanged like being crucified and benches and other furnitures were burning under him...overall its one of the best movies i have seen.

=)

Back to the past....


i can still remember, kindergarten graduation
my 1st dance, mukkaala mukkaapulaa, haha, i dunno who i danced with but i can remember it was a girl, cowboy caps were fashion statement at that era.
and then, hmm, oh ya, chinese dance, wearing the cap with the pony tail...so cute haha
miss kamala, a very close teacher whom even now i can relate to...shes the sweetest, never scolds us, except for shalu, the mess of the class with the cheeky, big smile always kenna for messing up her uniform during painting sessions...and oh ya, my 1st fight, with dax singh, bloody bangalah!!! injure me for nothing, still got the scur on my thigh. n then bus uncle seelan and narayanasaamy n rukkmani aunty..now all grow old they can't even see well...so sad so sad

den primary 1, my 1st bday with skool frens at my place, and seriously non of them were indian, all were chinese wearing glasses who came from the same family, the guns...
being in primary skool brings back all those memories with the teachers, expecially bcos of our tamil teacher, i can't remember her name but shes a muslim, n she was the 1st to send me back home with a lipstick mark direct from the lips...so swit hor...hahah
den mrs sim, our scout head, so thin like bamboo but act damn fierce lor...hahaha...and den the botanical garden, cos we love to catch tadpoles and spiders, using tamakuchi capsules and beeboo dragon drink bottles...haha n that was the 1st place i saw a black cobra at just 2 meters range..the only setback i had was to not earn my scout arrows wen i was jus 1-2 taskes away from earning them..haix

and den secondary skool...so damn hactic sial...new environmant, teachers more fierce, harsh rules, wearing tie on mondays, slightly longer hours of lessons...but the longest memories i had was in sec skool...will blog more on my nex post...=)

TO OR NOT TO...

sometimes i just wish i could trust you forever, but
something bothers me..

when ur silent, many thoughts run in my mind,
where u r, what ur doing, with whom u r,

after you spilled the beans, for once i thought you might change...
but even then there were things you didn't tell, till i found out...

maybe its my fault for being too concerned, that i'm barging into your privacy...
or maybe i'm suspecting you, its yours to decide.

but why hide when u want to change?
so should i just step aside from ur personal?

some way or another, i'm not letting you in ur ways,
but why be afraid of me?

for once, i'll let you have your ways, if you think ur right.
i'm not giving up on you, i'm just giving you freedom..

afta all i'm just....
sorry...for everything...

skool daze....

the thought about my previous 2 years in skool, realli makes me wonder if that was me....slacking at the cafeteria, smoking corners, skipping lesson to go out or slack at the library, watching movie with unknown people at skool, having late lunches with classmates nt to go to class...woww...alot alot...and theres got to be more i've done...in the name of slack...hahah

sometimes i even skip lessons for my ex...most of the times...and i did get nearly debarred from my modules...what a life man...ijus wonder why i did a that...wasn't i a solid gem in secondary skool even though i was the weakest link in most subjects...shear determination, hard work and a lil luck brought me thru in the express stream, n sometimes my parents came in on time to save me from being demoted..somehow managed to get into poly and still surviving strong...

even the number of frens i hav is not much actually...about a lil more than 100 people..lolx....i've got almost anyone to say hi to everyday...and a handful to slack with...lol...and a few to study with..heheh...wel this is my simple life i used to live at skool...i'm changing my life slowly jus to work for that piece of diploma....its not easy to get one nowadays....skools demand loads students to be at their best at everything to earn a diploma and thats wat im working to..to best at everything i am confident to be best at...

but some people...never get this in their heads...they think life is a piece of chococlate cake...jus finish it and u'll be happy forever..NO!!...theres more than a cake to it....the cake needs iceing, fruits, biscuits, and a cold environment...same thing to life...we need a lil of everything and the cold environment to keep us from melting is our edu...no edu and we're jus melted cream....hahah...

holidays are out...skool's in !!!

it so seems indian dun like to go skool on the 1st day,
hahah
entering skool, all the stupid 1st yrs hogging themain gate and the smoking corner man!!can't even get a peaceful puff...lol!!
1st lesson.MAMS tutorial...looking at the time table, i jus couldn't be sure who my lecturer was...and wen i entered the class room,"BUTHUUUUUU!!!!"
my MEM lecturer...back as my MAMS tutor...and i jus slammed my head and said,,"walau, u again arh!!!'' the whole class started laughing...hahaha...
and he asked me how i actually did, and i told him tt i actually passed his subject by dumb luck...he jus said,"obviously, ur jus tossing coins during the exam", and i was like WTH!!!!hahah

BREAK!!!

walking around skool, finding for my band of brothers and dispicable sistas...girl called and said her fren was having break...n she wanted to meet me...and i said i was wit my fren's bro...n the god damn fren was like having her lunch and den oni meet me knw...i was like...here a man is starving n waiting for u but u makan and come...den we wen for cca display at the convention hall..ICS makal ask me to intro a few to join our society...wonder if they did...afta tt me n my fren's bro wen for lunch, end up the jackass left to bishan...jus as i was eating a grp of my old classmates saw me and asked if anyone was sitting wit me...i said no n the whold gang of chinese set wit me...for once i felt great tt i had chinese frens...in a few seconds everyone left to get makan, leaving 1 gal n me at the table...she was a gem man...i tell u...she nvr opens her mouth for anything knw...but her smile cute larh...and den randomly she asked me,"hw's skool?" n i said,"sux la" and her chuckle was so cute man...jus as i finish eating everyone came back...den oni my tamilan gang entered the canteen...haix...everytime i gt break, they gt lesson...den i jus left without saying bye to anyone...the girl actually stood up and said bye...and the rest were like waving to me as if i was going off forever...so nice of them...they were the oni class who actually helped me in my studies...

class time...go in for a stupid lecture and the jackass teacher was so gay...eeeekkkk...
and den afta tt lesson 1 by 1 met my skool mates...den girl said she wanted to meet me to pass sumthing...i din knw...den she was like at skool at 1...n she told she was leaving...1.30 i called again...she said she was held back and she was coming...i said dun come...she beg to come...i said ok...1.45 call again...den oni she take bus...2pm...my lesson start, she alight from the bus...she walk to me...said sowie...for the 1st time i actually blasted so badly at her...like come on man...1st day, 1st lecture for tt module n im late...now isn't tt nice...so upset, and she gave me $60...i was like...FISH!!!! other ppl wud love to hav so much moni, who ever the giver is...but i hate to take moni frm any1 even if it was a gift...i scolded her for it too...den walked wit her n her fren to the bustop...wen to class late...well the lecturer was late too...but i din do any work...well, the teacher said i was excused cos my 1st n last lessons were the same...and so...i jus sat arnd teaching a few guys how to do all the sums...

jus afta skool...met a few of indian frens..once again, another pweety gal who dun talk to me, actually said hi to me...talking to them awhile...planned to go out with the gang soon..hahah
and so yea..skool busstop, crowd...walk out...take bus...go home...end of 1st day...lolx

singing in the rain

my life feels so tough...i dunno if i shud jus giv up everything n stay alone, or fight for wat i must. i dun knw who is supporting me, who is backstabbing me, who strays in the shadows to play me out...the more i think, the more my mind gets confused. if only i could turn the clock back..i wish i had been my old self, a hard- working, studious, friendly, mummy's boy...too bad!!
i made the wrong choices and nw i'm put at a spot where i can't decide my own fate, everyone has a part to play in my life...my love life has been a total havoc, until recently, it jus changed, and nw i'm happy tt i can be my old self...a new support, she holds on to me even if i'm gonna fall into a longkang....tears for the pain i go thru, yearns for a true love...well...life goes on...

realisation of the divine

jus as i was praying the other day with my uncle, i asked him many questions...
who is god??
why do we have so many gods???
wat do we get in praying to every single one??
if god is god, than y so many features??y not jus one figure??
all my uncle said was...
son, u hav alot to learn, i learnt it the hard way, i could teach you everything and answer all ur questions..but it would be much more fruitful wen u get the right answers on your own...
now, i've begun the quest to answer every question in my mind and heart...
if anyone is wiling to share..do send me comments to this entry and the other entries on this in future..
god is only 1 for everyone!!

some people really need to fall to learn their lessons

I'd been seeing loads of youths...studying for the sake of their parents' sake, not for a better future, especially our indian community. relationships have become a common site. frenship that has even lead to formation of secret societies are also obvious. why?? hav youths really become ignorant about education, since it has become such an easy and simplified form to digest to earn a diploma or degree, or is it just the youthful mind??

in my life of education, i've been very weak, from primary school till i got my o levels, my mother pushed me all the way, under her guidance i studied ery hard, sometimes i did let her down with failure, but still i got average results and survived thruout in express stream. but ever since i had started my diploma course, complacency had become part of me, taking everything easy failing test wasn't a big issue,but repeating modules were.leaving class to slack with frens, go out with my girl, all this had pulled me down. some of my frens, eve indians would as me, why can't you jus juggle your time after school or even weekends and put your full force during studying time??? well nw i understand, i hadn't been putting my concentration on my educaion cos there wasn't a strong will power in what i was doing. scared to make the nex move, afraid of who might leave me nex, especially my girl...but as time passed, i understood, when i stay strong, thats wen i will not be afraid who's here and who's not, thats wen i can successed, i knw there are a hand full of people right behind to suport me when i ain't strong, but if i keep myself strong, thats when they wil also think that i'm worthy to support them. i left my ex long time back, y? she had been pulling me down, she did not give me the strength to successed, she made me feel unsecure . but when i decided that i shud get over her n move towards my goal, i seriously worked, though, i did get another love, my bestie, a dream come true, y? true love would come from your family and a true fren, and she gave me that security, she gave me the comfort a gd fren would whole-heartedly give, she gave the strength a wife would give her husband, yet she herself had been also doing the same as wat i did during my skool times, obviously everyone would, but, even after i say about what i have gone thru, i expect her, well, everyone to learn a lesson from it....it may be a small thing, but it sure helps alot...

a few instances, she had gone out to meet her frens, i'm not saying its wrong , but, when you can spend it wisely on your exam prep or jus simple revision, y go out??? especially during the pre-exam period??? i did, and i suffered, much worst results...i dun expect anyone else to become like me...

medicine may taste bitter, but the outcome is always sweet,
working hard like ants thruout summer, auttum and spring will build the strongest shelter during winter..
this is wat i have learn wen i fell, dun fall, learn from the mistakes of others..
everything here is for good, dun take it wrongly,
=)

lets role! vroom vroom..or more like cycles..hehe

tdy was a day seriously i had never expected to be this tired...
a very mind blowing experience afta a long time...
mrng...met my close fren, we went to east coast...well m plan was jus to check on the prices to book bicycles for nite cycling, and so we wen to the 1st store...den my fren suggested we shud rent a bike for easy accessibility...andso we took a doubles...we went up to 4 stores to check the price..and well...we were jus cycling around...and den....i was jus thinking...shall we track the route for my event....we took of our shirts off and started cycling from east coast to our 1st destination..changi...well it was a long route..cycling pass a buncha white hot chics...hehe(someone's turning red, kekex) and den a lon straight road...about 3km i guess..and den behind the airport...watching planes fly above us...and den a garden area..well it looked like a deserted path(best place to bring a girl to have a romantic private night,heheh)....passing SAF ferry terminal...haha...and den we reach changi....and one lady asked us i a loud tone."mana baju"...and i said "thada machik"...hahah and den at one point we got stuck at changi village..we did a trial and error...passed ramar temple...pass changi airbase...pass loyang sithi vinayagar temple and reached pasir ris...wat a relief...getting close to our end point..pass sun plaza park and den we reach a point of total tiredness..both of drinks had finished.. we passed TP...well the reason to jus show off our hot bods..hahaha too bad din hav one...and den we changed our route thru bedok park connector...our end was almost nearing....we passed this primary skool....so cute the kids ..but wen they saw us, they were like...OH MY MUMMY!!!...one girl went....eeeee, naked man!!!!
hahaha
so cute know...and den detours after detours, passing NEWater plant and a long stretch 4 kmm long...passing another camp....i 4got what place it was...and den finally..underpass!!
yay!!
into east coast, past outward bound, all the way to coastal bicycle rental...we were totally shagged like wet dogs..haha..the shop owner look at us like we were terrorists....lol asked us to pay $10 more and den we jus left..damn fun la the route....passing by people and randomly saying hello! some were jammed, some smiled, some even replied..hahaha
well i'm ready for another round..cos i'm actually organising a night cycling event...hope to get as much as 30 fit people to bring alone..yay!!!
approximately 40 km in 5hr 35mins....yea....
smilessszzz!!!

humiliation

today i had nvr felt busier den ever...morning i got up at 5.30...got ready and left with my dad n my sis to tample...it was my uncle's wedding..and well...i felt that it was gonna be the most hactic daY EVER!!... dots to dots..

talking to my cousins n my frens...meeting all my relatives who didn't even rmbr tt it was me...yea...it was feeling like MY DAY...

wedding over...back hm...the bride and groom came home with their families...i jus left cos i was supposed to tie statue for chariot prayers near my place..with my bro's help, i managed to do it with all the best i can..

done and over at the tentage...my uncle n his boss were making thoranam and well...me n my bro were to collect some things from my dad's store and....dots to dots...deco doing in the process...familiy enters...frens enter and leave...

and this new guy, karthik who was my uncle's new fren was introducing himself to me...i felt he was a lil gayish but he was very nice towards me....and well he even said he wanted to meet up wit me...welll to help me in my drawing business and well i said ok as we stayed in opposite blocks, not knwing each other for very long...

dots to dots...deco almost done...my uncle was looking at my statue..and well he had his comments but i wasn't arnd to hear it...i did my own work cos it was getting late...and den he asked a question...

wat flower did u order for the statue???

for a sec i was jammed cos i totally forgot afta hactic weeks of work... n i said i nvr order, no moni...

and suddenly... a slipper jus flew but missed me and everyone was laughing at me...like wtf!!!

jus for not ordering i get humiliated...and for peet's sake, all the fundings were collected by me this yr...up n dwn blocks....food also i decided wat to put for people....performance on another side giving problem even though i arranged it...and my father goes arnd stressing me n bossing me arnd... n now this...no one except my fren's dad appreciated the amount of effort i had been putting to make this a successful function...y r people making use of me n jus humiliate me...

this isn't right...!!!

i can't hit him back...but im not tt kinda person...but my own mother laughed at wat had happened instead of confronting him for doing such a humiliating thing...somemore in public!!!

i jus wished there was someone who be out there to listen to the hurt in me...n make me feel cooled..

hunnie, where r u wen i really need u???

evil, emo or plain seeker youths???

jus wondering wats youth life about, and well, this thought came,

are youths evil inside or are jus seeking attention or plain emo??

1 type of youth i come across, are those under depression,

they love to cut, i hate the sound of pen knives n blades

they say it relieves their stress...they use the term shiok...

and the look of it is seriously irritatiing...u can feel the pain in urself u urself would tear..

some are somewhat, psycos, well, the love failers, the overly depressed ones, who are at the vurge of commiting suicide, eg. sitting on the railings or parapets of blocks, over drinking with panadol, finishing one whole packet of unprescribed medicine...dot dot dot....all jus bcos they're stress or hav failed in something, like love...

the 2nd type i've seen are the make-up ladies who love to cam-whore, wateva tt is...

eye liner, eye shadow, blush, foundation, and a milllion more cosmetics..not to forget, dyed hair, revealing clothes, and the stockings, n the designer heals...and theres many more from where that came from...and the most important aspect, CAMERA PHONE!!!!

all these, to show the fake side of beauty over the net....like COME ON!!!

and the last type are the ones who 'play'....well a term that means, having a few bf n gf at 1 time..

its so weird how u cud show the same amount of love to every person u r attached to, at the same time..!!! and some youths, aware that their partner is doing this, can still say, i'll let do what you want as long as in the end your're still with me...

i mean theres a limit but not like this...

wats youth life really like...is this all..

well...

hassel, fun, loving...

hav gone thru many things...and now i think back..i still wonder..is youth life jus this...or is there more to it...i'm still finding an answer..i hope to get an answer...

i'm sorry

to see u tear will be the last thing in my mind
but i put u in this spot because of my stupidity.
i wanted u to have a big family.
i wanted u to gain back your happiness.
but instead i began thinking of u the wrong way,
how could i?
it was my suspicious mind that saw things around me in the wrong ways,
should i have really suspected you, that minute would have been my last.
but afta a lustrous experience with u, i can't make that assumption.
i could never leave your side for another, i'de be cheating my own heart.
i feel insecure, i fear, im worried, bubu, would u leave me?
please..
if it were to happen,....
i jus dunno why, but, my love for is so big, i'd blow up if i were to loose u..
how could i have hurt you??? was it really me who did that honey??
i'm sorry....

chemistry of love types

sometimes i jus wonder wat love is all about... some love expect gifts, some expect physical intimacy, and some, jus love, nothing else...but my new life with my love has been a combination of all these love types...when she likes something, she would always tell me, like clothes, i do love to see her in the most posh clothes cos my baby is a hawt hawt babe...hehe..well if i have enough, i could get it for her.

when she really feels that she needs that private time with me, i'm more than willing to spend it fruitfully with her, she feels so much loved and sometimes i just wonder, am i so loving that she gets turned on too???...haha..once i went to her place and well she asked,baby can i rape you??..and i jus rebutted...Do you have to ask???...and she us asked me to come and rape her....hahaha..well its a playful way we use to talk with each other...in the process, she did ask me if we could do it, jus once, she really felt loved for that moment, but thinking of consequences made me say no...i regret tlling her that cos i was ready for it, but i wasn't playing safe without a helmet, so i'd rather be safe than sorry, but i promised her that the next time we do get together, we shall do it...

and sometimes she would jus need a few minutes in my arms...thinking that i'm her mom...well, i grew up more under mom's love...my dad wasn't the loving type...so yea...i'm waiting for the day to giv her something special in public, well, to see the tears of joy...to hear her say that she loves me in public...the feeling is so great that as i think of it now, i'm jus hoping that it happens soon.

evil....within....

the evil within never seem to rest when hurt and hatred were to play peek-a-boo,

the good hearts would never privale when the psycotic and the confused sorts to torture.

Though the silent evil seeks revenge, the good would stand strong to not behave barbarically against the devil surrounding my life.

An evil of a normal would be just as irritating as mice,

but the evil of the silent and peaceful is far more destructive.

Somehow, patience plays its part to control the revengeful mind,

who is to blame for this rare charecteristic..??

But the piles of hurt and loads of anger would be too heavy for this heart, and when it over loads,

silence will never be as merciful anymore!!!

true love...

its difficult how true love successeds after going thru rocky paths of problems and sometimes even short seperations. sometimes there are even loves which go thru a cleared path, so clear that every minute you see them, their always smiling for everything. but some love stories jus end before they even reach the half way mark, breakups and stuff. some are too complicated to unserstand, confusinf life.
but till now some people still don't understand what a gd relationship means. if ur in a relationship, and half the time ur admiring her body, thats not true love. admiring her character, the way she speaks, with so much life and love, sometimes in upset, now thats called true love.
girls these days have learned to choose whom they really like, but some don't know how to behave. they treat their partner like maids, making them carry her stuff,sometimes even treating him like trash, throwing him away for a betta guy. some girls are plain fickle and childish and its not easy to change them at all.
in my experience, my 1st love really sucked to the core...in the beginning everything seemed very smooth. but afta 3 months, she would talk about her ex wen i said don't, she would scold me if i never told her where i went, she would suspect me for talking to girls whom i treat as my closest frens, she would have problems of her own at home and wen i tried to comfort her, she would just vent so much anger on me, but wats worst is that she would say she wanna break up and she will make me beg her even until the point of touching her feet (its an indian way of begging), and afta a few days she would be ok, once she said she had a new gu and that she love him alot and she wan me to go with another girl saying that she'd feel guilty if i were to be alone, but when i went with another girl and avoided her callsand messages, she then said that she love me and was jus testing my love. like what the hell!!! this ain't fair at all...
well i don't care about my ex at all..i'm happy with my bubu!!
so girls, behave properly to guys, and guys, don't give up in love at all
smilez

together forever...

i feel i'm in need, for a smile...to giv me a confidence that you're here...

i need your hands to hold me and guide me thru my darkest passages...

i wanna keep a distance with u to once again miss u...the pain that you're not beside made me tear..but that feeling dug into my well of love...that i found the pure waters of love in the end...

hurting you is like poking my 2 eyes...and wen u tear it would only make me bleed...

to keep you as happy as a princess would not be the easiest thing in this world...but making you smile everyday would be the greatest achivement in my small life..

baby i'm not gonna let u go no matter what happens...i'm not gonna say your my life...cos life equals to you plus me. you may not be the hottest or the most beautiful girl i might have ever seen...but that smile of yours is the best in this tiny planet...
you're my confidence, my milo, my diesel....i live by your love, baby lets make this world tell that we're the best..i know i have chosen the right person to be with...

cos i'm in love with you

hunnie its true...

ily berrygal...